Tangling with Tangled Hair
All right, you may have noticed that in my photos my hair looks pretty good. I wouldn’t say great. I wouldn’t say bad. Do I have “bad hair days.” Uh, yes – plenty of them.
But I try to avoid two in a row, because then you’re not having a “bad hair day.” No, two in a row sets you up to be the person who has just given up and pulled their locks into a pony tail and is just hoping that nobody notices.
I am not an aspiring beauty queen, and I can’t imagine that I could put up with the absurdities of being a cast member on one of the “Real Housewives” shows.
I don’t put any more time into my hair than my schedule allows, which is to say that I wash it as often as I can, keep it moisturized through a series of tricks that are a close conjuring of the dark arts, and then style it as best as I can in the four minutes I have each morning to make the magic happen.
But as much as I would like to just hit the road with a Philadelphia Phillies cap keeping everything under control, I have three daughters – the loves of my life and each a different iteration of their mama – to help keeping looking their best.
So with four heads of very different hair textures and four very different styles and personalities, keeping everyone’s hair clean, healthy and styled in some manner that doesn’t cause anyone to think that my kids are living on their own in something resembling the “Lord of the Flies.”
When you are tangling with tangled hair, the No. 1 name of the game is a plan. If anyone has one, please forward it to me on my Facebook page or via Twitter.
For now, I am just trying to find the right products to keep it all together, while I continue to make the shareholders of some of the biggest hair-care brands in the world very, very happy.
When my husband once asked me how many bottles of shampoo, conditioner, leave-in, de-tangler and various and sundry other magic potions I had ringing our Roman tub, I felt I owed him a straight answer. The answer, of course, was: “I have no idea, my dear. But why don’t you go ahead and count them.”
Sure enough, he did. And when he gleefully reported back to me that I had accumulated somewhere in the neighborhood of 89 bottles – all shapes and sizes of varying degrees of promises made (and not always fulfilled), I suggested that he check out the hall closet and the girls’ bathrooms.
He found another 28 bottles. That son of a gun actually went and counted them, too.
Does one household need 107 bottles of hair-care stuff? Apparently mine does. Or I thought that it did.
They each have their own issues. My oldest has very long, straight hair and probably could be in a shampoo commercial if she so chose, but she thinks that she is the second coming of 1970s Cher, and her ends are often split and frizzy.
The middle one has very kinky short hair (and, in full disclosure, it’s short because her mama doesn’t have an extra 15 minutes a day to transform it into whichever Disney Princess or My Little Pony that she’s hoping to resemble on that given day).
And then the little one’s hair is wavy with naturally forming ringlets and locks as bright red as Amy Adams’.
I can often come up short on answers and long on half-used bottles. There’s easily a down payment on a new SUV just hanging around the tub top. My husband was only too happy to total up the cost per bottle after wrangling them into one giant packing box.
In my defense, and I’ll take this to the Supreme Court if I must, I grew up with and always have had that in-between hair that none of my straight- or curly haired friends and relatives ever had to deal with. Alas, I have genetically passed on my good fortune to each of my girls.
I quest to find something that works for each of them, and as soon as I know what truly works for each, I’ll pass it along in a meaningful way. Until then, I’ll keep tangling with tangled hair.
Wish me luck, because of all the things this mom on the go has on her plate: Tangling with tangled hair. I fear that this may be my most difficult challenge yet.
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